Buffy really did think Angel was making an effort in the beginning. It seemed like he was anyway. Over the weeks that passed, he took her out to dinner and to the movies, they hung out with his friends from time to time and it was fun pretending that they were her friends too. She wore her new clothes all the time and eventually threw her old ones away. She was glad to be rid of them. It was a cleansing of sorts to not have to ever put on those worn cargo pants again.
Angel was loving and sweet. They made love constantly and were together as much as possible. It was perfect, like a little honeymoon. He loved calling her on her phone during the day when they couldn’t be together, telling her he couldn’t wait to get her home, whispering naughty suggestions in her ear.
Her belly was full and she was warmer than she had ever been. She loved waking up in the mornings in Angel’s arms and going to sleep in them at night. She couldn’t get enough of the passion burning in his dark eyes for her. She even had money in her pocket and clean, new clothes on her back. Everything should have been perfect…but it wasn’t.
It didn’t take long to notice that the movie theatres they went to were never the ones where a UCLA student could possibly see them. The restaurants were nice, but not hangouts of people they knew, not places where his family or his family’s influential friends might frequent. He never went to the Hyperion with her even though he picked her up and dropped her off every Saturday and Sunday. If he did go in, he left her immediately to talk to his mother. He didn’t touch her there and it was obvious that he had no intention of ever telling his family that she was living with him.
Buffy waited for the day when he took her to a college party or introduced her as his girlfriend to anyone besides Doyle, Oz and Willow, but she had the nagging feeling he never would. She was still a dirty little secret, only now more people were in on it.
She tried not to think about it. She placated herself with how happy she was with him, how he would come around. He never treated her like she was worthless, he trusted her and he went above and beyond to make sure she knew she meant something to him. Hell, she knew the pin number to his ATM card. That was something, wasn’t it?
***
“Hey,” Angel said as he came inside the apartment and dropped off his books on the end table before leaning down over the couch and getting a hello kiss from Buffy. He smiled. It was becoming a ritual for him. He came home from school, got a passionate kiss from his little live-in lover and usually was semi hard by the time they broke apart.
“Mmmm hey,” she answered against his lips. She bounded up from where she was studying for her G.E.D and smiled winningly at him. “Guess what?”
“What?” he said, shrugging off his new leather jacket. He had to buy it to replace the one he had given her.
“I went to the grocery store today and I’m cooking dinner,” she announced proudly. Her happiness about a simple meal was infectious and soon he was looking forward to whatever burnt concoction she was whipping up.
“You are cooking?” he asked incredulously, pulling her into his arms. “What are we having? Filet mignon followed by crème brulee?”
“Yes, baby,” she said, rolling her eyes and smacking a kiss on his cheek. “With a side of burnt toast and jelly.”
“My favorite,” he chuckled, nibbling on her neck. She squirmed away with a giggle and took him by the hand, leading him into the kitchen. Everything was neatly set out for the meal, ready to be cooked.
“Grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup,” she exclaimed happily. “I even know how to cook it cause my mom used to make for me all the time. It was my favorite.”
“I can’t wait,” he said honestly. He knew she was normally overly happy about meals and food in general since she had gone without so many times, but this was different. There was a childish delight on her face that he hadn’t seen before. While it was intriguing, it also made him a little sad. She should have been free to make grilled cheese sandwiches all she wanted while she was growing up.
“I’m going to start cooking and you…answer the door,” Buffy said when a knock sounded as she started to speak. She was humming happily and opening the can of tomato soup when a female voice purred from the other room. She assumed it was Doyle or Oz, who stopped by from time to time, but now her curiosity got the best of her. She moved to the kitchen door to look out and eavesdrop. A beautiful dark haired girl stood at the door pawing her man. She scowled and leaned in to listen.
“I haven’t seen you in a long time Angel,” she said throatily, rubbing his chest with her bright red claws. “We used to see each other at least once a week. I think someone’s been avoiding me.”
“Been busy, Gwen,” he said, making no move to stop her from molesting him. “I’m sorry I haven’t called.”
“Busy tonight?” she asked, moving in closer to him.
“Actually yeah, I have a dinner date,” he said. “She’s in the kitchen, so I’d not like to have you two meet, if you know what I mean.”
“Sure,” she said, looking disappointed. She stopped touching him, much to Buffy’s pleasure and backed a half step away. “I’ll be waiting for your call, Angel.”
Buffy snuck back into the kitchen and hurriedly started cooking. She was upset by the encounter and wasn’t entirely sure why. He turned her away and he was honest that he had a date, but she couldn’t help but want more. She wanted him to tell Gwen that he had a girlfriend now, that he didn’t plan on calling her at all…ever.
She said nothing as he came into the kitchen and began rooting around the refrigerator for something to drink. He didn’t say anything about the visitor either. It was as if there hadn’t been a knock on the door at all.
***
Buffy was nervous. She kept tugging at her clothes, like that would somehow make her feel more at home in her new, ill-fitting life. She was a poser and she knew it. She didn’t understand why people insisted on pretending like she belonged.
Buffy was dragged from her self-loathing ruminations as Willow entered the small coffee shop, waving and smiling brightly. Buffy liked Willow a lot. They were total opposites. Willow was sheltered and quiet, very shy. Needless to say, Buffy was not. But somehow it evened out. They complemented each other.
“Hey,” Willow chirped, sliding into the seat across the small table from Buffy.
“Hi,” Buffy replied, trying not to duck her head. She realistically knew that she didn’t look completely out of place. Her outfit was stylish without drawing a lot of attention. She was getting good enough with the makeup that her scar was hardly noticeable anymore. But she couldn’t prevent the bone-deep feeling that she was out of place.
“I’m so glad my Bio Chem class got cancelled. This coffee break was just what I needed!”
The conversation lulled as a cute waiter came over to take their orders. Buffy couldn’t help but blush as he openly flirted with her. It was definitely a novel sensation.
“Yeah,” Buffy said, resuming their earlier conversation, “I didn’t know about calling you today. I figured you’d be busy, but I thought it was worth a try.”
Willow seemed to be stuck by something and frowned. “Buffy, what do you do all day?” she asked, knowing she had never heard Buffy mention a job and that she wasn’t in school.
“Uh,” Buffy said lamely, “not a whole lot. I sleep late, sit around the apartment. I clean. Sometimes I help Angel with things if I can.”
Willow smiled, her expression a bit incredulous. “Don’t you go insane with boredom?”
There was more smiling as the cute waiter returned and served their drinks. As soon as he was gone, Buffy blushed, staring into her latte. “Well, uh, I’ve kind of sort of started studying ...” she mumbled.
“Studying?” Willow said brightly. “For what?”
Buffy looked up, wincing. She was horribly pathetic and while she had thought she had no self-esteem to salvage, apparently she did, because the subject embarrassed her. “I stopped going to school when I was fourteen. I mean, the truant officers tried for a while to get me to go, but eventually even they stopped. But now ... there’s not a lot to do during the day and so I’ve started studying for my G.E.D.”
“Buffy,” Willow exclaimed with a smile, “that’s fantastic!”
Blushing, Buffy ducked her head again. “We’ll see if I can even pass,” she said wryly.
“You’ll pass,” Willow told her firmly. “And then we’ll celebrate.”
Against her better judgment, Buffy couldn’t stop herself from smiling.
***
"You hear me?" Doyle prompted, raising his eyebrows at Angel.
Frowning, Angel shrugged. "I heard," he admitted. He wished he hadn't. It had been a godsend when Darla jetted off to Europe shortly after their argument in the library, ostensibly to study art. Angel knew she was just soothing her bruised ego with daddy's money and euro trash men who would fawn over her like the second coming. But now she was back. Fuck.
"She'll be at the annual Alpha Christmas bash Friday night. She'll expect to see you."
Angel cursed under his breath. Avoiding Darla would not be a good idea. She'd track him down and the whole situation with Buffy would blow up. Dammit.
"Buffy's looking pretty good these days," Doyle said in a calculatedly off-hand manner.
Angel narrowed his eyes at his friend. "You've been looking at Buffy?"
Doyle smiled and held his hands up in surrender. "Buffy and I are of the past," he said. "In fact, I'm pretty sure Buffy and anybody who isn't Angelus Chase are firmly of the past as well."
Slightly mollified, Angel smiled a tight, mirthless smile. "She does look good, doesn't she?" he asked. Doyle didn't answer. He didn't need to. Buffy did look good. Very good. She hadn't had anything stronger than the occasional beer in months, with regular meals her body was now softly curved in an absolutely enticing manner. Slowly, she was losing that vacant, skittish look. She seemed happy, comfortable. She even laughed and smiled now. She was clean and soft and thanks to Angel's pocketbook, clothed in a manner to rival Cordelia. She spent the days while Angel was at class studying and just last week had passed her G.E.D.
Doyle cleared his throat, pulling Angel from his reverie. "You taking Buffy to the party?" he asked pointedly.
Angel snorted. "Are you fucking insane?"
***
"You like?" Buffy asked, twirling around in front of him in an absolutely killer outfit. The short black leather miniskirt hugged her newfound curves; the v-neck sweater was a deep crimson, made from a material that clung to her body. Her hair was loose, trailing over her shoulders and her gorgeous legs were encased in black stiletto knee-high boots.
"I definitely like," he said, closing on her in a predatory manner.
She giggled, but made only a cursory attempt to get free when he lunged at her. She was still laughing as he placed nipping bites along the nape of her neck. "What's the occasion?" he asked.
She turned around in his embrace, grinning up at him. "I thought I could wear it to the Alpha party on Friday," she said, biting down on her bottom lip and staring up at him from beneath her lashes.
“The Alpha party?” he echoed vacantly.
“Well, yeah,” she said. “I thought we could celebrate. I passed my G.E.D and last weekend your mother signed off on my community service papers. I’m completely free now. Don’t you want to go?”
“Actually, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that,” he said quickly, stepping away and running a hand through his hair. “My mother wants us all to do the traditional Christmas thing together this year with just family but Dad’s on a business trip in Japan over the holiday. So, she wants to have it over the weekend instead. She asked me to stay at the mansion with her and Dad and Cordy Friday and Saturday night, so I won’t be able to make it to the party.”
“Just family,” she repeated, looking him over carefully. “Isn’t there some Christmas thing at the homeless shelter over the weekend?” Buffy prodded.
“Mom is skipping out this year,” he lied. “She has enough volunteers to handle everything without her.”
“Oh,” she said, sinking to the couch in regret. She had been so excited about the prospect of going to the Alpha party with Angel. She wanted to go as a normal girl with her boyfriend. Okay, her rich and incredibly handsome boyfriend who she landed when no one else could, but still. She also wanted to test him. The Alpha Christmas bash was the biggest event of the year. Anyone who was anyone was there. Buffy hadn’t missed it in years and she knew Angel hadn’t either. Even in a drug-induced haze, she always noticed his presence.
“We’ll still have Christmas together,” he said, sitting next to her, “just not the weekend after.” He looked over her for a second and then took a deep breath. “I don’t feel comfortable with you going to the Alpha house without me, Buffy. I know you want to go to the party, but I’m asking you to stay home.”
“You don’t trust me?” she said, whipping her head to look at him.
“I trust you,” he said honestly. “I don’t trust them. Last time that fuck, Parker Abrams, drugged your drink. I don’t want you to go.”
***
Buffy felt like an idiot and half wished that she still had a ready supply of oblivion in her pocket. It was Friday night, the night of the huge Alpha bash. She was dressed in her new outfit, her boots clicking neatly on the sidewalk.
She was actually going to the party. Alone.
Oh, Angel would be so pissed when he found out, but that wasn't enough to stop her. She didn't know what it was - probably some subconscious desire on her own part to sabotage the best damn relationship she was ever going to have - but she had to go. She hadn't been to an Alpha party since before she and Angel got physical. She wanted to make an appearance. She wanted them to see how nice she'd cleaned up. Of course, it would have been a thousand times better with Angel on her arm, but she'd take what she could get.
She smiled at a few guys as she walked in and they smiled back, grinning wolfishly. It was obvious that they didn't recognize her. It was an odd feeling, and a nice one.
"Hello, beautiful," a familiar voice crooned.
Buffy turned around and smiled at the well-dressed young man. She knew she looked good. She'd tried the outfit out on Angel and knew it was killer. Combined with her upswept hairdo - with skillfully disorganized ringlets springing free - and her touch of makeup, she knew she'd never looked better. "Hello, Riley," she purred with a grin.
He looked puzzled. "Do we know each- " He stopped mid-sentence. "Buffy?" he gasped.
She smiled brightly at him and nodded. He stared at her for a moment, eyeing her up and down, obviously shocked.
“You look…damn, you look fantastic,” he said, eyeing her more hungrily than he ever did when they were actually fucking. It was a great feeling. She beamed back and thanked him.
“Can I buy you a beer?” he asked, moving closer.
“I’m seeing someone,” she said, making it clear that she wasn’t sharing the goodies tonight with anyone. He looked crestfallen for a second, but quickly recovered.
“So?” he said, offering his arm. “A girl as beautiful as you shouldn’t have to buy her own brew. It’s Christmas.”
As they stood in the inordinately long keg line, Riley and Buffy chatted about mundane things – things she wouldn’t have chatted with anyone about before. Usually it was about getting drunk or stoned and getting into bed. There was no polite conversation. The whole experience was entirely new.
Course, Buffy wasn’t stupid enough to think that Riley wasn’t hoping she’d get drunk and do him. He was betting on it, but he was sadly mistaken. She was Angel’s now. She warmed to the thought. For the first time in her life, she was spoken for and proud of it.
After they retrieved their beer, which they sipped from large red plastic cups, Riley asked her to go downstairs to the basement. During parties, the Alpha house was pretty much a free for all, but the real fun was in the basement. The large, unfinished space had it’s own keg and a band – usually more than one during the party – and people danced and gyrated drunkenly. The walls were lined with couches, but they couldn’t even see them as they descended the stairs. There were just too many people squeezed in the space.
As she made her way to the dance floor with Riley, she saw a bunch of people she knew. None of them, not one, recognized her. They eyed her up and down because she looked good, but that was it. Even the scar across her lips didn’t give her away. With her cosmetics and the dim lighting, it had all but disappeared.
Oz’s band, Dingoes Ate My Baby, was currently playing. She scanned them unemotionally. With the exception of Willow’s boyfriend, she had fucked the whole band. It seemed like a million years ago. She couldn’t even imagine screwing any of them now. She sighed. She really wished Angel could have come along.
After a few dances, Buffy made her way off of the dance floor. Her new boots were the coolest things she’d ever owned, but they were killing her feet. She scooted along the edge of the room where the couches were lined hoping to find a place to sit. Even the arm of a couch would be a godsend. Riley followed closely behind her, fully intending on making a space next to her wherever she sat.
“Oh, excuse me,” she said as she bumped into a couple making out on the edge of the dance floor. She gasped in surprise and backpedaled so quickly that she bumped into Riley and made him drop his beer when she realized that the couple in question was Darla and Angel.
She stared at them for a full thirty seconds, groping each other and making out. All but ignoring her. Tears filled her eyes and she snarled at the same time as she tossed her beer on the couple. Sputtering and cursing, they both looked their attacker.
“You FUCKING DICK!” she screamed. She stumbled away from him, barely able to see through the tears in her eyes, but she couldn’t get away nearly fast enough with all the people in her way.
“BUFFY!” Angel shouted, following her into the throng. As he tried to leave Darla caught his arm. “That is who you’ve been hiding from me? You’ve been fucking Buffy Summers all this time?”
“I don’t have time for this,” he said, pulling away.
“You’re leaving me for her?” Darla raged after him.
“I fucking love her,” he cast back. He dove back into the people in his way, pushing them harshly aside. “Buffy!” Angel shouted. “Wait, baby, please!”
He caught her in the living room, which was crammed with people. They all stopped with the commotion and watched intently as Angelus Chase desperately cried out to some blonde chick who turned out to be the infamous whore, Buffy Summers.
“Buffy, please,” Angel begged, holding her shoulders tightly to keep her squirming body from escaping.
“Let me go, you cheating, lying piece of shit,” she shouted. Tears streaked her cheeks and she was all but sobbing as she desperately tried to get away from him.
“I can explain,” Angel begged. “Baby, please.”
A stiletto heel to his shin freed her and she backed away from him. “You don’t have to explain, Angel. I understand perfectly. You lied to me so you could come here with Darla Weston. I’m not good enough to be seen in public with but she is! Well, fine. Have fun with her, Angel. You won’t have to worry about keeping me your dirty little secret anymore.”
“I love you!” Angel shouted. “How public is that?” He waved at the people around him, eavesdropping on their conversation. “I love you, goddammit.”
“You don’t love anyone but yourfuckingself,” she cried. Reaching in the tiny pocket of her skirt, she produced the key to his apartment and threw it at him. “I’m moving out,” she announced, sniffling. Turning, she scanned the party quickly and found that Riley had followed her upstairs.
“Riley, can you give me a ride?” she asked, but Angel grabbed him before he could answer and slammed him against the wall.
“You fucking touch her and-“
Buffy strode forward and got between them, kneeing Angel in the groin. He immediately fell to his knees, cupping himself. “You don’t own me, you fucking prick.”
A shaken Riley was lead through the party by Buffy and out to his car, where she too fell to her knees and wept.
***
In the end, it turned out that Riley did get Buffy Summers in his bed, but it wasn't anything like what he expected. First off, he was on the couch. Secondly, even with his bedroom door closed, he could hear her heartbreaking sobs. Riley didn't know what to think, but he was too much of a nice guy to toss Buffy out into the night, especially since she obviously had nowhere to go. It crossed his mind that six months ago, he probably wouldn't thought anything of throwing her out on her ear, but now … Now she was more than just some anonymous druggie whore. She was a real live person. He spent half the night talking to her. He felt like he knew her. She liked bad ice skating movies and nachos with extra cheese. There was a real person with real feelings behind the mask.
It was probably close to three in the morning when Angel showed up. He tried banging on the door for an hour. Riley called the cops and they chased him off. He was back an hour later, drunk out of his mind, yelling up at Riley's bedroom window, begging Buffy not to sleep with Riley, threatening her if she did, then back to begging again before he finally staggered to his car and passed out.
When Buffy finally emerged from the bedroom, it was obvious she hadn't slept a wink. Her eyes were puffy and red. "I'm so sorry about this, Riley," she said quietly. "I don't know how to repay you." Before Angel she never would have uttered those words. She just would have offered her body to Riley. Now, the very thought of it turned her stomach.
"Want some coffee?" he asked, motioning with his own mug.
She shook her head, swallowing thickly. The idea of consuming anything made her stomach roil. "I know you've already gone above and beyond the call of duty, but I'm afraid I have to ask you for one last favor …"
***
"You want to talk about it?" Jenny asked as Buffy descended the steps to the Hyperion's front desk, just having waved goodbye to Riley.
"I need a place to stay," Buffy said quietly.
Jenny pursed her lips together. "Things go badly with Angel?"
Buffy's head snapped up and her eyes welled with tears. She blinked quickly. "You knew?"
"Honey, anybody who was paying the tiniest bit of attention knew."
Buffy laughed mirthlessly. "Yeah, well, fat lot of good it does now." She sniffled, but straightened her spine. "Can you help me?"
Jenny seemed to consider something for a moment and then sighed. "There are rooms here," she said. "Or, I'm actually looking for someone to stay at my place for a while. I'm going to England for six weeks and I really don't want to leave my apartment empty."
“Really?” Buffy said in shock.
“You’ve really turned yourself around, Buffy,” Jenny said, laying a hand on Buffy’s shoulder. It was a gesture she never would have made six months ago. “I know you’ll give Angel a lot of credit for it, but the choice was yours and you made it. I’m not sure how to say this without sounding too condescending, but I’m proud of you.”
“Thank you,” Buffy said with new tears falling. “I’ll pay rent. I need to find a job and I’ll try to have another place to stay before you come back and I promise I won’t mess anything up and-“
“Buffy, it’s okay,” Jenny said gently. “I trust you.”
Those were the kindest words anyone besides Angel had ever said to her. Even as she allowed herself a few last tears, she felt stronger. She was going to make it without Angel. She was going to show him and everyone else that she was a real person capable of making something of herself.
***
TBC
on to part 7