Angel was pleased with himself as he slipped into his leather pants the following Friday night. Doyle just didn’t get nearly enough credit for being a genius. When he first brought up the double date with Buffy, he was purposefully cryptic so at first she thought he was asking her out. She was already hemming and hawing over the friends thing, when he clarified that he wanted her to double date with him and Faith. The look on her face was absolutely priceless.
Faith, on the other hand, was thrilled about the date. She was less than pleased about the double part, but she couldn’t wait to make Buffy jealous. As vague as Angel was to Buffy, he was honest with Faith. He had no intention of sleeping with anyone in the near future but he did want to let Buffy know what she was missing.
It wasn’t until he came down the steps and saw Lindsey standing there that he reconsidered Doyle’s genius. The man was a fucking moron. Angel eyed Lindsey severely and then invited them out to his car to pick up Faith. As he got out of the car to walk to her door, he closed his eyes for a second in a silent promise. He would not kill Lindsey. Not even if he kissed Buffy goodnight.
Faith opened the door, smiling her bright red, come fuck me smile and Angel felt a twinge in his groin. As much as he loved Buffy, he had always lusted after Faith. She could do things with her body that made him weep with pleasure. He chuckled as he looked at her outfit. She had worn black leather pants too.
“Nice pants,” he said, cracking a grin.
“What’s in the pants is nicer, in case you’re done having blue balls over blondie,” Faith grunted, kissing him quickly on the lips before tucking her arm in his.
“Be nice to Buffy,” Angel warned.
“I didn’t promise anything,” she said, tossing her hair over her shoulder. “She cut you loose and if she has a problem-“
“Faith,” he growled as they reached the car.
“Chill,” she laughed. “I’m on board here. I’m just shooting my mouth off. I won’t hurt little twinkle toes’ feelings.”
Faith slid into the front bench seat of Angel’s car and glanced in the back. One expertly plucked brow arched. She had expected Buffy to have some loser with her, but this guy looked very, very interesting. Apparently Buffy was moving up in the world. “Faith,” she said, boldly extending her hand towards him.
“Lindsey,” he replied with a slight twang. “My pleasure.”
“If you play your cards right,” she countered with a purely carnal smile. He almost blushed. It was adorable.
Angel slid behind the wheel and his glare was enough to make Faith turn around in the seat and buckle her seatbelt. Initially she only agreed to the date because she was bored and torturing Buffy sounded like fun. The bitch had, after all, taken away her favorite toy. But now things were looking up.
***
The restaurant was a college hang out, a bar and grill. It was noisy but they had great burgers and a decent selection of beer. Faith didn’t wait to be seated, steering all of them to a large booth and yelling drink orders at the bartender. Buffy glared a hole in her back. If it weren’t for the leather pants and the obscenely tight red tanktop, she wouldn’t get away with half the crap she did.
“Bud,” Faith said, scooting down in the booth, making herself comfortable as she simultaneously cuddled up to Angel and smiled wolfishly at Lindsey. “Took you for more of the pretentious aged whiskey type.”
“I only have pretentious aged whiskey when I’m with pretentious old men, darlin’,” Lindsey said, raking his eyes over her plunging neckline before looking back into his arms. “I am definitely not in that sort of company.”
“No, you aren’t,” Faith purred, tipping the bottle to her lips and taking a drink. She set it down again and smiled at him.
Buffy scowled. How Faith could make drinking a beer carnal was beyond her. Lindsey was practically drooling on her. Thankfully Angel looked a little annoyed. At least she wasn’t the only one not enjoying their dates giving each other googley eyes across the table. Buffy huffed in irritation. Not only was Faith trying to monopolize Lindsey, but she was so close to Angel, she might as well be sitting on his lap.
“How are things going with starting your own practice, Lindsey?” Buffy said, interrupting Faith. “Are you having a hard time getting the clients you need?”
“Actually, it’s been going okay,” Lindsey said, suddenly remembering he was there with Buffy. “I almost have too much to do. I’ve been nabbing quiet a few of Wolfram & Hart’s smaller, more neglected clients and they’re enjoying being treated more importantly. Some of them even have me on retainer already. That reminds me, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something, Buffy.”
“Oh?” she asked, taking a dainty sip of her beer.
“My secretary can’t keep up with some of the filing and other tasks and I was wondering if you were interested in being my part time secretary. Just to fill in for a couple hours a week,” he said. “No schedule. Just whenever you’re free and I’ll pay a competitive wage.”
“How many hours?” Buffy asked, thinking about her course load for the semester. A small amount of hours a week would definitely help out. She wanted to set up a savings account in case there was an emergency and it was looking like all the money her roommates paid did just enough to pay for the house costs and her tuition.
“Not too many,” Lindsey said. “I’d be flexible, but I was thinking-“
“About shutting the fuck up?” Angel snarled from across the table. “If you think for one minute you’re going to get Buffy into your office at night where you can try to get in her pants, you better have another thought. No fucking way.”
“Angel,” Buffy said, whipping her head to look over at him. “What the hell is your problem? Lindsey needs a secretary, not a hooker. Besides, you can’t tell me what to do. I can work for him if I want.”
“The hell you can,” Angel argued. “You are not going to spend your evenings working for him. I don’t trust him.”
“How dare you,” Buffy hissed. “I allow you to live in my house, but I didn’t sign on for a parent, thank you very much.”
“Can I have a word with you?” Angel asked tersely.
With a grunt, Buffy pushed herself out of the booth and followed Angel out into the parking lot. “What the hell is that all about?” Buffy demanded. “We’re friends, Angel. Nothing more.”
“Yeah, I know,” Angel said bitterly. “Why do you think I brought Faith? I have enough friends. She’s made it perfectly clear she’d like to resume our former relationship.”
Buffy bristled. “Yeah, I’m sure you shared something really special with that vapid whore.”
“Like what you and Lindsey have going on is strictly cerebral,” Angel countered.
“He’s a friend.”
“Like I’m a friend?” Angel demanded. “Does that mean that Lindsey used to nail you on a regular basis too?”
The slap shocked both of them and they simply stared at each other. Absently, Buffy rubbed her stinging hand. A couple brushed past them on the way into the bar, obviously noticing something was wrong. Eventually, Angel looked away, dragging a hand through his hair. “We should go back in,” he said tightly.
Nodding, Buffy turned and preceded him inside. She was so lost in her pain, in the recognition of Angel’s presence behind her that it took a minute for the scene to register.
Abruptly, Faith and Lindsey broke apart. Lindsey had the decency to look ashamed while Faith merely smile, wiping the spittle from her lips with the back of her hand. “Have a nice chat?” she asked cheekily.
***
Buffy crossed her arms over her chest, staring blindly out the windshield, trying to ignore the sounds of Lindsey and Faith making out in the back seat. The whole thing was heartbreakingly frustrating. She loved Angel so much but how was she supposed to trust him again? How was she supposed to know when she was ready to be with him again, when she was done finding her footing in her new life?
After they dropped Faith and Lindsey off at Faith’s apartment, Angel gripped the steering wheel tightly but didn’t speak. He was furious with her and he was furious with himself. Was he just going to spend the rest of his life pretending, like he did tonight with Faith, only to be made into a fool at the end of the night? Maybe he should just move on for real. Get his own place again and find a warm body to put into his bed. She wouldn’t be Buffy, but then again he couldn’t have Buffy could he?
He snarled and pulled over on a side street a few miles from Faith’s apartment and turned toward her. “What do I have to do, Buffy?” he demanded. “What will it take? I’ve been celibate for months. I spend all my time doting on you, being your fucking friend and making sure I toe the line! Or maybe you don’t love me like I thought you did, is that it? Am I just this big slobbering dog following you around?”
“I told you I need time,” she said, her eyes filling with tears. She leaned against the door, away from him and tried not to cry. He made it sound like she was just trying to torture him on purpose. She loved him. She would never hurt Angel.
“Yeah, but how much time, Buffy? What are we talking? Another month? A year? What?” he raged. Realizing himself, he jerked open the door and got out. Taking deep breaths he paced along the sidewalk like a caged tiger.
Slowly, she opened her door and stepped outside. Closing it, she leaned back against it, unable to go to him. She didn't know why she couldn't but her fingers held a death grip on the door handle and her feet were rooted to the concrete. Angel was the first - no the only - man she had ever and possibly would ever love. Just when she thought she was permanently lost, he gave her the means to drag herself back from the edge, but at the same time he wounded her more deeply than anyone else ever had. She believed he loved her. She believed he wanted to make it up to her. But down deep inside, she wasn't certain that he wouldn't hurt her again. She had come so far, turned her life around so much … and if he gathered her close only to destroy her again, that truly would be the end. She would never recover. Not a second time.
She knew she was stringing Angel along and she hated herself for that, but she couldn't seem to do any differently. She was too scared, too gun shy to risk everything by trying again.
"You just going to stand there all night?" he demanded.
She looked up, tears glittering in her eyes. "Angel, I … " she trailed off into nothing.
He shrugged, trying to look indifferent, but the tears standing in his own eyes told a different story. "I won't spend the rest of my life trying to win you over," he said, his voice cracking with emotion. "This is it. Tonight. If you ever want there to be anything between us again, you need to tell me now because if you don't say anything, I'm gone, Buffy. Permanently. I'm done being your doormat. I know I fucked up and I'm sorry. I'd do anything to make it up to you if you would only give me the chance. But I do have my limits."
She opened her mouth, staring at him. Tears streamed down her cheeks, but the words wouldn't come.
Moments stretched into minutes as he waited, staring at her with such longing that it broke her heart.
But still, the words wouldn't come.
He sighed, shuddering. A mirthless laugh broke across his lips, dissolving into sobs. "Fuck. This is really it," he said bleakly. "I don't think I ever really thought this would happen." He looked at her, so lost and lonely. With something between a groan and a growl, he pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes for a moment before dropping his arms back to his sides. Turning, he quickly approached her, grabbing her wrist and slamming his keys into her hand. Task accomplished, he darted away from her again as if touching her caused him physical pain. "Take my car and go home," he said.
"Angel - "
"Now, Buffy!" he yelled, his tears gone. "Go home. I'll have someone get the car tomorrow along with the rest of my stuff."
"You're not … You're … You're leaving?" she asked in a near whisper.
“I told you,” he said quietly, his face streaked with tears. “It’s over. Goodbye, Buffy.”
Buffy pressed her free hand against her mouth as he walked off without looking back. She watched him, unable to move as he left her. She could see his shoulders shaking as he stumbled away. Slowly, she slid down the side of his car and sobbed for a long time, gripping his keys in her hand as if they would bring him back, as if they were a part of him.
Finally, when she was able, she stood on shaking legs and slid into the driver’s seat of his car. She fumbled for long minutes trying to find a way to move the seat forward so she could reach the pedals, still sniffling. The tears in her now swollen eyes made it hard to see but she did make it home in twice the time it would have taken a licensed driver.
She pulled into the driveway and stumbled into the house. She dropped her purse and the keys on the floor in the entryway and crawled up the stairs, feeling the tears come to her eyes all over again. It seemed to take forever to get to her room. The first thing she saw was the door Angel had installed for her, the stupid fucking door with its deadbolt and peephole. The tears erupted all over again at the sight of the monstrosity. Slowly, she made it to her bed, curled up fully clothed and sobbed herself to sleep.
***
It was after ten in morning when Willow knocked on her door, startling Buffy awake. She sat up, bleary eyed and looked at her best friend who fidgeted as she tried to find the words.
“Buffy,” Willow started nervously, “I don’t know what’s going on but there are some men downstairs and they say they’re here to take Angel’s stuff. Oz is down there with them, but they say they’re supposed to pack everything up and take it right now. And uh…they want his car keys.”
“Okay,” Buffy said, taking a deep breath. “Okay, this isn’t happening.” With shaking hands she picked up her phone and dialed his cell phone number, biting her lower lip nervously. Seconds later she hung it up again and stared at Willow, feeling new tears prick her eyes. The number had been disconnected.
“Let them take it,” Buffy said, laying back down on the bed. “Just let them in, Will.”
“I don’t understand,” Willow said, moving inside and sitting next to her on the bed. “He just moved in.”
“He’s leaving me,” Buffy said, falling into new sobs. “He said he’s not coming back, Will. He…he meant it.”
***
"Hey, Darlin, what's goin' - " Lindsey stopped short, staring at Buffy. "Oh, gods, Buffy," he said, hurrying to her side, placing a comforting hand on her arm. "Oh shit. About last night. Oh gods. I mean, I know it was tacky and all, but I never really thought you were taking it seriously. I know you still love Angel. I just - "
She pressed trembling fingers over his lips, silencing him. They were standing in her kitchen, late afternoon sun shining through the windows. "You and Faith were fine," Buffy said, her voice low and scratchy from endless hours spent sobbing.
Lindsey looked at her beseechingly. "Sweetheart, what happened?"
She wrapped her arms around her middle. "Angel's gone," she said flatly, shocked when she didn't start crying again. "Last night he gave me an ultimatum and I … I sat there and did nothing while the only man I'll ever love walked out of my life."
"Buffy, he loves you," Lindsey said firmly. "He may have been all riled up last night, but that boy is so pussywhi-"
"He's gone," she said. "Permanently. He had a moving company come over today and pick up all of his stuff. He'd disconnected his cell and whenever I call his parents' house, the maid answers and pretends not to speak English."
Lindsey pursed his lips together. Despite what he felt in his gut, that Angel would never willingly leave Buffy, he had to admit that it sounded like the impossible had indeed come to pass. Sighing, he leaned back against the counter, unable to give her any words of comfort.
"Well, at least you and Faith had a good evening," Buffy said, trying not to sound bitter.
Lindsey smiled weakly. "Sorry about that," he said. "Awful timing."
She shrugged, trying to push away her foul mood. "I don’t want you to be miserable just because I am, Linds. I'm happy you and Faith hit it off."
“If there’s anything I can do…“
“There’s nothing anyone can do,” Buffy said wearily. “I missed my chance, Linds and now he’s gone.”
***
Angel didn’t even flinch when his father opened his door and let it slam against the wall. He stayed in his chair, staring at nothing. The only sound was his father’s footsteps on the floor. Jake Chase sat down on the edge of the bed and stared at his son wordlessly. Angel was used to this game. He didn’t look at his father and he said nothing.
“All your shit is piled up in the garage,” Jake said finally with a sigh. “If you don’t do something with it, your mother’s going to be pissed.”
“I’ll move it,” Angel grunted, but didn’t budge an inch. His voice was low and scratchy.
“You’re hurtin’ like a bitch, boy. I understand that, but are you sure you’re not making a mistake?”
“I lost her before last night,” Angel said, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. “She just fucking stared at me like I’d sprouted another head. She doesn’t love me. I saved her from her fucked up life and now she’s moving on to bigger and better things. She outgrew me and I’ve outgrown being stupid.”
“Well,” Jake said, rising to his feet. “I guess you’ve got it all figured out.” He wandered over to the window and looked out for a moment before speaking. “When I met your mama, her father forbid her from seeing me,” Jake said, surveying the beautiful estate, “and she broke up with me under his orders. She cut me off. She wouldn’t take my calls. She returned my letters. I went from heaven to hell in a fucking day. I wasn’t good enough for her because I didn’t have a pot to piss in, but I loved her. I would have sold my soul to have her back in my life.”
Jake turned around and faced his son, leaning on the windowsill. “It took me three months, two weeks, four days and 10 hours to get her back,” he said, recounting the time with startling accuracy. “But I’ll tell you the God’s honest truth, son, I’d a’ waited three decades for her. How much time is that little blonde worth to you?”
“Leave me the fuck alone, Dad,” Angel grunted, rising to his feet. “I’m not you and Buffy’s not Mom.”
“Get your shit out of the garage
before your mother gets home,” Jake said, not moving from his spot as his
son left the room.
date.”
***
TBC
on to part 12